chug

lately i feel like i've just been chugging along. i get offended by things that wouldn't normally bug me. i'm constantly stressed out or upset. quite frankly i'm just a basket case of emotions. if i could sleep all day, everyday, i probably would. i'm frustrated, disappointed, confused and lost on what seems like this foggy pathway of misery. I just want my train to quit chugging along and go back to the way it used to run- with confidence, speed, and determination. 

bloom

--Play me--

wishes and rules

i wish i wasn't so guarded. that i didn't have a constant fear of being let down or being humiliated. it's something i've struggled with my entire life; i'm an open book and i wear my heart on my sleeve. As women we have a social expectation that society expects from us. we must always be proper and clean. our education should be far less important then learning various homemaking skills and when it comes to men never, i repeat never make the first move. but i wish it was socially exceptable to be able to text a boy first without the fear of feeling to "needy" or the fear of being called a slut. i wish we didn't have to play games. that i could just say "hey, i like you" and everything would go over great without seeming dessperate. my darling roommate and i were disscussing this topic and she handed me a book called "The Rules" it gaurentees that if you follow these rules you will have men drooling at your feet...but it's not as easy as it sounds.
 
the rules

1. Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other"
2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
4. Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
5. Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
6. Always End Phone Calls First
7. Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
8. Fill Up Your Time before the Date
9. How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
10. How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
11. Always End the Date First
12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
13. Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
14. No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
15. Don't Rush into Sex  and Other Rules for Intimacy
16. Don't Tell Him What to Do
17. Let Him Take the Lead
18. Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
19. Don’t Open Up Too Fast
20. Be Honest but Mysterious
21. Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads
22. Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
23. Don't Date a Married Man
24. Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
25. Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
26. Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
27. Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts
28. Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
29. Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
30. Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
31. Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist
32. Don't Break The Rules
33. Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
34. Love Only Those Who Love You
35. Be Easy to Live With

needless to say after reading these rules there is quite a bit i need to change, and if i don't i may end up forever alone with my seven wiener dogs. but thers nothing like a good challenge right? well good luck ladies, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
xoxo