it starts today

with these past couple of sleepless nights i've had some time to really think about everything that's been going on in my life. I remember being eight years old and i couldn't wait to be twelve because once i turned twelve i could wear make up, get my ears pierced, and shave my legs. well as soon as that time rolled around and i became the ripe age of twelve i couldn't wait to be sixteen. i would finally be able to drive and date and even better i'd be in high school. well as you can probably guess once i turned sixteen i couldn't wait to be eighteen and graduated from high school where i could move out and go to college and then get married. well here i am nineteen and wishing i could go back to being eight. oh how i wish i could go back to the time when you didn't have to worry about what school you were going too, or what job you were going to have, how much weight you've gained, or who you were going to marry. All that mattered was that you were happy.....I think sometimes in our crazy day to day lives we forget to do what makes us happy.....not what makes sally or bob happy but what makes US happy and when we aren't happy i think we loose sight of our end goal....or our happily ever after and we spend sleepless nights trying to figure out how to get back on the right track. i've been so frustrated with myself lately. and for awhile i was blaming things like school, work, and my friends but after a lot of thinking, and praying. i realized it was myself and my actions that i was frustrated with. i'm so worried about making a mistake and not doing the right thing that i'm not doing anything at all. it's so silly to me that i'm the only one standing in my own way and it's taken me this long to figure that out. Louis Binstock said "very often we are our own worst enemy as we foolishly build stumbling blocks on the path that leads to success and happiness." well today everything changes. i'm going to start working harder to work and little harder and to be a little better. why? because that's what's going to make me happy and who's going to stop me?