fear in a rut.

i dont know if any of you have ever tried to accomplish something, something that has taken a really long time to finish and then you go to complete it and completely failed at it, and so you picked yourself up and tried again only to fail over, and over and over and over again until you were so scared of failing again that you just decided to give up. well that's where i'm at and have been for the last couple of months, in a total rut. and i'm so unbelievably sick of it. i told matt yesterday how i was sick of being the only person standing in the way of my accomplishments. and that's 100% correct. i'm not going to sit here and pretend like i'm going to completely dominate this awful test that i continue to keep failing but i've decided that giving up isn't the right thing to do. that if i just keep going, everything will eventually work out.....someday.