12 day's of christmas

 these past couple of weeks have been full of sleepless nights searching on google and talking to everyone under the sun to figure out a good christmas present to send to matt. With the help of my amazing friends we complied multiple ideas to create this wonderfully expensive and heavy christmas package even if it took until 4:30 in the morning to finish. although it was $104.00 to send and i probably spent way more money on it then i should've i couldn't help but picture the look on matt's face when he got the package and saw all of the love that i had put into it along with the help from is amazing family and his loving friends. i wanted it to be a christmas to remember and hope i did just that. i'll let you know once he get's it. but to all of you cute girls that have boyfriends out on missions, or you mom's that need some ideas here is my rendition of the 12 day's of christmas. 

Day 1

December is the time of year the days are getting cold. a nice hot cup of cocoa is like an ounce of gold. so find some nice hot water, and open the popcorn -- no fuss! and once in awhile as you treat yourself try to think of me! 

gift: koolaid disguised as hot chocolate, popcorn, pictures of everyone, fake snow, and a tape 

Day 2

On the 2nd day of christmas, you're always on my list, here's something fun to eat so you know that you are missed. sit down--take off your shoes, here's something you adore. these kit kat bars will give you energy as you go door to door.

gift: kit kat bars

Day 3

on the 3rd day of christmas i send you christmas lights, in hopes that you will hang them up and let them all shine bright. remembrance of your service to your father up above, i think of you so often, and am sending you my love.

gift: 100 christmas lights

Day 4

on the 4th day of christmas you're always on my mind i think of you so often and how you're one of a kind sit down--take off your shoes--here's something you can burn, kirs "pringle" with give you energy to go out and learn

gift: pringles

Day 5

on the 5th day of christmas, the days go by so fast, i wanted to provide you with something that will last. a helpful littler something that will make your home so cheery, so that the odors tomorrow won't seem quite so dreary.

gift: christmas smelling febreeze

Day 6 

on the 6th day of christmas, our hearts began to swell the love we feel inside for you we could never tell....

gift: tape with everyone recording on it

Day 7

on the 7th day of christmas, a very special night, i wish i could be with you, the spirit is just right. "love one another" was the lord's admonition, sharing with each other will help fulfill our mission.

gift: christmas book

Day 8

on the 8th day of christmas, i know you're feeling beat, so set aside your books and put up your feet. we know with all your walking your toes need to rest, so slip on these slippers and put them to the test.

gift: slippers

Day 9

on the 9th day of christmas, i know you're working hard. i knew that you'd need something more than just a little card. this is sure to help you as you're working up a sweat, be sure to apply it every day so you'll no regret!!

gift: deodorant

Day 10

on the 10th day of christmas i send you "peace on earth" as people all around the world celebrate his birth. to help us gain eternal life was our lord's endeavor. give away this book to show "families can be forever"

gift: book of mormon with a picture of his family in it

Day 11

'tis the night before christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. this stocking was stuffed by your girlfriend with care in hopes that you christmas is more than just fair. so open up your goodies--your sock's full to the top. with family voices, presents, and blessing that won't stop!

gift: stocking, pajama pants, and a tape

Day 12

christmas day is special even though you're miles from home. whispering of the spirit tell me you're not alone. this gift you'll enjoy at all times of the year so keep our thoughts close and help us feel near. we love you matt! merry christmas!

gift: byu shirt, and a calendar with pictures of everyone

how cute is this stocking? i found it at the missionary mall. ps isn't lindsey such a great hand model :)

stocking stuffers

psalms 23:4 "thy rod and thy staff"                                   candy canes

1 nephi 8:26-27 "moking"                                                snickers bar

1 corinthians 13:20"childish things"                                   yoyo

alma 11:24"puffed up in their hearts"                                 balloons

alma 32:28"a seed may be planted"                                   sunflower seeds

proverbs 6:28 "hot coals"                                                  hot chocolate coals

d&c 82:18 "improve upon his talents"                                gumball baseball bat and baseball fans

d&c section 11 "marvelous missionary"                             3 bags of m&m's

moroni 8:3 "mindful of you always"                                    chocolate kisses

this better put this biggest smile on this boys face. 

lady in waiting

after blog stocking i stumbled across my sweet friend Emily's blog and found this amazing song. i thought i would share it with anyone who is missing the one they love. it is amazing and couldn't express how i feel any better. 17 weeks down. 

the little things

this time of year, is one of my most favorite times of the year, why you ask? because it's the time of year when you give more than you get, family is the center of everything, and we realize the blessings our heavenly father has put in our lives, whether good or bad, to help us grow and learn and become the wonderful people he created us to be. today is my wonderful mothers 40th birthday and is also thanksgiving! although the decorations, food, and company of my wonderful family was beyond perfect i found myself constantly thinking of the things the things that i am so blessed to have in my life. if you get a chance go read in your bible dictonary under the word Grace....you will not be disappointed. if i could ask you all to do one thing this holiday season it would be to no take things for granted. be thankful for what you have, when you have it, because you never know when it will be gone. so with that being said...


i'm thankful for....

1. the gospel

2. my 4 amazing little brothers

3. my sister, who although i may want to kill sometimes, is honestly one of my best friends

4. my parents, i don't think they understand how much i look up to them and how i am grateful for not only there guidance and council, but there unconditional love and friendship. 

5. my house

6. my education

7. my talents

8. air conditioning and a heater

9. the chance to go back to miss utah

10. our military and their families

11. missionaries

12. laughter

13. a sky full of shining stars

14. my church callings

15. my car, although getto, at least i have one

16. music

17. my trails, for they have and will continue to sculpt me into a better person

18. youtube

19. both sets of grandparents

20. all my cousins....but especially my bffe becca strobel

21. my job

22. pictures

23. technology

24. the ability to learn

25. my wonderful friends

26. the temple and being able to be worthy to go

27. random acts of kindness

28. the atonement

29. support from those around me

30. my health

31. having long hair

32. my parents jobs and lifestyle

33. my sweet dogs izzy and cooper

34. quotes

35. my best friend, elder griner

36. determination

37. the ensign

38. funny jokes

39. sunrises/sunsets

40. scriptures

41. disney movies

42. food

43. braces

44. fortune cookies

45. deep, long talks

46. tight long hugs.....(i miss these)

47. people who say i love you, and mean it

48. the chance to have won 2 pageants miss american fork and miss utah county

49. the opportunity to serve

50. happiness

the waiting place

as a kid my mom would read a book to me called "oh the places you'll go" by the wonderful dr suess. as i've gotten older my love for this book has only grown stronger. if you've never read it you should most defiantly mosey your way over to the nearest barns and nobel and buy it pronto. well in this book it talks about your life the choices you'll make, your accomplishments, your disappointments, and times where you wont know what to do. In this book that place is called the waiting place......this is a place where everyone is just waiting....waiting for the phone to ring, or the fish to bite, or a friday night, everyone is just waiting. well despite what i ever thought as a kid i've found myself in the waiting place in more areas then one right now but the most obvious one is in my relationship. 


so i promise i'm not a debby downer but these last couple of days haven't been very fun and i've kinda just wanted to crawl in a whole. waiting for a missionary isn't fun. it's actually really lonely, your whole life revolves around your mail box and letters, you become a stalker to your mail lady, you spend a lot of time looking at old pictures so that things still seem real and altogether you just feel like part of you is missing. tonight was just one of those nights. the nights that i feel like i have no one to talk to, like nothing is going to go right, and i start to worry, because that's how i am....i worry about everything. but a good friend of mine sent me a text of a blog post that someone else wrote and in all honesty it sums up pretty much everything i'm feeling right now and made me feel better about my whole situation so i thought i would share.

"in all honesty words can't adequately describe everything that we have and will go through. it's definitely the biggest roller-coster in life one could even imagine. it's full of ups and downs and trails and triumphs.saying goodbye was not fun. i was saying goodbye to the one person who knew me and understood everything and stuck with me through all my crazy faults and insecurities. i felt awful for awhile after he left, as if a limb had been missing. but after i got over the general sadness, you come to a realization that life keeps moving and no matter what so does time. so i kept going with my life and i continue to. we write each other as often as possible, but sometimes it's hard to feel like it was and is all real. sometimes it just feels like a dream. the memories feel like dreams and the future is just a fantasy. i have to remember the future is what is real.
whatever i can imagine, we can make happen. when he has trails, i feel sad for him, it's like my whole day is off because i know he's having a hard time. when he has great amazing spiritual experiences it makes me happy knowing he's happy and growing. what i've come to terms with is that he's going to have all these trials, and i'll always be there for him, i will help strengthen him as much as i can. and i have to be strong for him so if he ever needs to lean on me he can. but if i ever have trials or burden i want to share with him....i can't. i mean i can tell him about them if i really want to, but i can't expect a response. it's not that he doesn't care about me, i know he does, and he's proven he does. it's that i'm not his most important part of his life. he's on a mission to serve and help the lords people. when he comes back form his mission, we'll have the rest of forever. i would honestly rather miss him for 2 years and have him for eternity, than have him today and lose him forever. i used to cry myself to sleep every night just because it hurt so bad. but eventually that gaping hole in your chest, the edges round out and it's easier to deal with, though it never truly goes away. sometimes the only things that keep me sane are knowing that the lord is there to help guide me and him, and the promise my missionary made to me that he's coming back for me. a lot of people don't support waiting for a missionary because they all think i'll get married off before he comes home. let me just say that's not going to happen to me. i am no a statistic so don't treat me like one. people say he'll change, i'll change. yeah good. we better change, but we will for the better. and when he comes back we'll be even better for each other than we were before. waiting for a missionary is about dealing with the pain, being strong when no one else is, even if you're alone. it's also about finding your own self and becoming that girl that when he comes home he can point you out and say, "her, i want her" while it may be hard, there are many adventures to be had. friends to be made and lost, lessons to learn, and when he's home we'll have enough stories to tell for eternity."

i think this girl my be me in another body because she pretty much summed up everything i am feeling. i'm 15 weeks down....15 weeks i'll never have to re live....and 89 more weeks to go. mean while listen to josh gracin's new album, it's absolutely amazing and i'm gonna go party it up with the greatest people ever (my family) in disneyland for the next 5 days. see you soon. 

ps. i promise the next time i post is will be sunshine and glitter.

curve ball

god has a funny way of showing you the things that you need most in your life. it seems like when you are about to loose all faith and give up, he gives you something else worth living for. for most of you that know me you know that i was completely and totally in love my sophomore year of high school to who i thought was the most amazing boy ever. well we dated my sophomore and junior year until he went on a mission in february and i was bound and determined to wait for him. i knew for sure we were going to get married and live happily ever after. well that all changed late one night when i got a call from a girl who told me that she had done some stuff with this boy and needless to say i was completely heartbroken and spent the majority of the next couple of weeks sobbing on my kitchen floor. well months went by and as i tried to forget about this boy i couldn't. during this time my best friend decided to start dating her ex boyfriends best friend. so we embarked on this journey of me trying to get over my ex boyfriend and her trying to make her ex boyfriend jealous by dating his best friend.....messed up right? well it's funny how people surprise you and things turn out. her plan failed she didn't make her ex boyfriend want her....in fact it made him hate her even more.....and the best friend wanted nothing to do with her. we stopped being friends because i didn't like the person i was becoming and the choices i was making. after thinking this girl was my best friend, the one person i could trust with everything, my soul sister, i found out she had been telling people the most degrading, most untrue things she could about me. sometimes i look back and think i should have seen it coming but i thought we were best friends and best friends don't do that. after i found that out everything she had been saying about me i decided to talk to this ex boyfriends best friend.....which turned out to be the best thing i could have ever done. we decided to go on a date and couldn't get enough of each other....in fact we spent every day during christmas break together. well we started dating and about one year into dating, that boy who i had fallen in love with my sophomore year came home from his mission, asked me to marry him at a smoothie place (romantic right?) well  i said no, and he married my old best friend.  i'm now 14 weeks in a long 104 waiting for the ex boyfriends best friend who's name is Matt or Elder Griner. it's funny how life throws you curve balls. how when you think you can't take it anymore and you are going to give up how god gives you one more reason to keep going. i don't know where i'd be today without those trails and heart breaks but i wouldn't take a second of it back. why? because i found someone actually worth waiting for, someone who i can't imagine my life without, someone who's truly my best friend. 

"if you never stop when you wave goodbye you just might find, if you give it time, you will wave hello again." -John Mayer

it starts today

with these past couple of sleepless nights i've had some time to really think about everything that's been going on in my life. I remember being eight years old and i couldn't wait to be twelve because once i turned twelve i could wear make up, get my ears pierced, and shave my legs. well as soon as that time rolled around and i became the ripe age of twelve i couldn't wait to be sixteen. i would finally be able to drive and date and even better i'd be in high school. well as you can probably guess once i turned sixteen i couldn't wait to be eighteen and graduated from high school where i could move out and go to college and then get married. well here i am nineteen and wishing i could go back to being eight. oh how i wish i could go back to the time when you didn't have to worry about what school you were going too, or what job you were going to have, how much weight you've gained, or who you were going to marry. All that mattered was that you were happy.....I think sometimes in our crazy day to day lives we forget to do what makes us happy.....not what makes sally or bob happy but what makes US happy and when we aren't happy i think we loose sight of our end goal....or our happily ever after and we spend sleepless nights trying to figure out how to get back on the right track. i've been so frustrated with myself lately. and for awhile i was blaming things like school, work, and my friends but after a lot of thinking, and praying. i realized it was myself and my actions that i was frustrated with. i'm so worried about making a mistake and not doing the right thing that i'm not doing anything at all. it's so silly to me that i'm the only one standing in my own way and it's taken me this long to figure that out. Louis Binstock said "very often we are our own worst enemy as we foolishly build stumbling blocks on the path that leads to success and happiness." well today everything changes. i'm going to start working harder to work and little harder and to be a little better. why? because that's what's going to make me happy and who's going to stop me?

2890 miles away

This would be matt....matt's my best friend.....and is on his mission in the dominican republic.....he makes me happy.....and i miss him......aren't we cute together? 

believe in yourself

Life has a funny way of surprising you with things that you never expected for yourself. It has a way of testing your faith, emotions, and thoughts about life in general. I feel like we are always wondering if the story we are writing is really the novel we want to be published....If you had told me a year ago that I was going to be waiting for my best friend on a mission, and that i would be Miss Utah County. I probably would've laughed in your face and told you that you were crazy! here i am 19 years old and doing things i never thought i would be doing. it's funny when you put your mind to things, and believe in yourself it's not life that surprises you....it's yourself.