new years eve

it's new years eve and what am i doing? sitting at home with my parents, eating steak and watching sweet home alabama. you'd think i'd be upset about this but surprisingly im perfectly content with it. the last 2 years i've had the greatest new years i could ask for with the most amazing boy ever. but just like i had 2 amazing new years with him, i get 2 new years with out him. each new year bringing me new adventures and new accomplishments but most importantly closer to the next time i get to see that smiling face. i'd rather miss him for 2 years then have 2 years with him right now and miss him forever. so here's to 2012. happy new year everyone!

sadkfjhadkfjah

i'm so frustrated. and overwhelmed. and just plain bugged. 

i've seriously got to figure my life out. and soon

looking out

you know those people who when you meet them you realize that it wasn't just pure luck that they came into your life? and you realize that the big man upstairs is really looking out for you? and you feel like you really lucked out? I've felt like this for the past 3 years now. it seems like things just keep getting better and i feel like the luckiest girl alive.

did i mention christmas was amazing? i got to talk to my best friend for and hour and a half....needless to say i still have a smile on my face! 

2012

with a new year comes new challenges, adventures, dissapointments, and goals. why do tomorrow what you can do today. so here's to 2012. i hope you're ready for me.

some of my goals
1.stop biting my nails
2.get in shape, live a healthy lifestyle
3.give my all at miss utah
4.be on time
5.go to bed earlier and wake
6.read the book of mormon
7.save 1/2 of my paychecks
8.get my real estate license
9.pay my tithing every month
10.give more than i get
11.keep my room clean
12.buy a new car
13.get good grades
14.be positive
15.say thank you more
16.learn how to cook
17.become better at the piano

mine and becca's bucket list

1. go on a road trip to california

2. learn how to play the guitar

3.learn how to make ice cream

4.send a message in a bottle

5.join a bowling league

6.complete a journal

7.get in shape

8.write a song

9.have our own stars

10.take a homeless person out to dinner

11.have a mud fight

12. run a half marathon

13.make a quilt/learn to sew

14.light off lanterns with wishes on them

15.carve our names into a tree

16.write a letter to future selves

17.do more crafts

rumors

the quote above could not be more true. there are very few people who can say they actually liked jr high and high school and would want to go back. unfortunately i am not one of them. jr high and high school were literally miserable for me and needless to say i'm very grateful to be graduated and done. but unfortunately those memories are still there and those hurtful words and rumors are still tossed around. i don't know if i just horrible taste in friends or if i just really wasn't liked but it has always amazed me at the elaborate rumors that were thrown around about me. so this is a letter to those people.

dear center of attention,


remember that time i sat by you while you cried yourself to sleep and told you everything was going to be okay? or that time you told me you were going to kill yourself and i came over and convinced you that you were better than that? remember all the mean things said about you, and how they made you feel? or remember that time you came to school completely wasted and I drove you home? well thank you for making my life miserable still to this day. thank you for telling people i was a lesbian and that i had a crush on you. my siblings still get asked to this day if that's true, even after i've told countless people that i in fact actually really like boys. it's funny to me that even after all these years people would still believe someone who's been to rehab 3 times for a heroin addiction and being an alcoholic. i honestly feel bad for you.


dear worlds biggest liar,


you really had me fooled. i really thought we were best friends, and would be forever. you knew everything about me. when i would tell people we were friends they would always tell me to watch out because of your family and because the things they had heard about you. but i immediately reassured them that you were different and those were just rumors. it's funny to me how when i told you that i didn't like the person i was becoming because of the way i acted when we were together you decided you would tell people your disgusting stories and instead of using your name you'd replace it with mine. i love that you ran not only my name through the mud but also your husbands name....i bet he doesn't know that. good thing you moved away so that he'll never find out. sure you've got a pretty face, but you are an ugly girl on the inside.


dear girl in the shadows,

i've had to deal with you my whole life and i can't wait to deal with you again in june. but when someone misses 3 weeks of school because of their kidneys, it doesn't automatically give you right to tell most of my teachers and half of the student body that i'm pregnant. also you have a lot of nerve whispering "wow she's got to be pregnant look at all the weight she's gained" as i get up to write on the board. note to everyone, i'm a virgin, and last time i checked you have to have sex to get pregnant. can't wait to see what miraculous rumor you come up with next. good luck being second best.

dear you know who,

thank you for doing and saying the things you did. thank you for teaching me how to be strong and brave. thank you for showing me who i really am and the people who i never wanted to be. thank you for showing me that you can't trust everyone. thank you for making me who i am today, because without you and your words, i wouldn't have the goals and ambitions i do today. so thank you.

my favorite love story

this would be my parents, the greatest two people you will ever meet. they met in high school at a school dance where my dad grabbed my mom without knowing who she was and spun her around the gym floor begging her to dance. later that night he showed up in my mom's window well of her bedroom hanging upside down and banging on the window. well of course they fell in love and as they finished high school and my dad finishing his first year of college, he left on his mission, where my mom waited faithfully for him for 2 years and then he came home and of course they got married in a 4 week time period. my parents have been married for 20 years now, and that to me is amazing. it used to really creep me out that my dad would come home from work and hug and kiss my mom and tell her how pretty she looked that day, as a 12 year old girl the words "ew that is so gross, get a room" would continually come out of my mouth and my parents reply was always "well at least you know we love each other". Sure stories like the notebook, walk to remember, the last song, dear john, and any other chick flicks that have ever been made are great. but my favorite love story is the story of my parents. a story of two teenagers that were crazy in love, who have and will live happily ever after. they are my greatest example of true love. there is a quote that reads something like this " you can tell that a man loves a woman by the way he looks at her" i hope one day i have a man look at me the way my dad looks at my mom.

you are my sunshine

2 years ago i went on a date with this boy. it was the best decision i could have ever made.

12/22/09- first date: ice skating, lights, and doughnuts

12/23/09- temple square and first kiss

12/25/09- first christmas together

01/08/10- matt asked me to be his girlfriend

04/17/10- matt told me he loved me for the first time

i am the luckiest

okay so i've been such the debbie downer lately...i'm just going to blame it on the weather. but after a long long day today i came home to find this.

little did i know it was my christmas present from matt. he is so cute and hand made that yellow envelope. anywho i'm such a cry baby, this whole thing just made me sob. probably because i wasn't expecting anything at all for christmas let alone pictures and the sweetest letters i could ask for. 2 years ago this one of a kind boy asked me out on a date...tomorrow marks that first date, we went ice skating if you were wondering and he made fun of my horrible ice skating abilities but even though i knew him months before that first date, tomorrow december 22, 2011 marks the first time i knew i had fallin' in love with him....christmas break 2009 will always be one to remember. i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

all i want for christmas is you

Dear Santa, i would like this boy for christmas  

and i'd like him to sing these songs to me.

xoxo, lauren

courage

ee cummings said "it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are". ever since i was twelve i couldn't wait to "grow up". i couldn't wait to go to high school, and then to college, and one day meet the man of my dreams and get married. well news flash to the twelve year old me....growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be. it's full of gut wrenching decisions, always wondering if you did the right thing or chose the right path, a lot of disappointments and challenges, and one to many broken hearts. Just as ee cummings said it really does take courage to grow up. so friends i guess it's time to muster up all of the courage i have inside of me and do the things i know i need to do right now at this time in my life. i can't promise myself they are going to be easy, because they are probably going to kick my trash. but the end goal, the final picture sure is worth it.

you are my sunshine

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away." 

and this is why i wait. because how could i let someone this amazing go?

and i thought boys like this only existed in fairytales....guess i got lucky :)
5 months down......19 more to go. 

beautiful people

sometimes people are beautiful. not in looks. not in what they say. just the way they are. after reading that quote i realized the other day while going through pictures from the past 4 years the beautiful people i had and have in my life.  while going  through the pictures i had some flash backs of some good memories and some bad ones! but while i was going through and organizing them i came across so many different pictures that literally just put a smile on my face and made me realize how truly blessed and lucky i really am. sometimes i think we take the people we have in our lives for granted, and we don't realize how much they mean to us until they are gone or things aren't the way they used to be. so here are a couple of pictures of the things i miss, the things i wish never changed, and somethings i'm glad are in my past. you can be the judge of what goes where.